Jaws Was Never My Scene And I Don’t Like Star Wars

I have a bike once more! No longer am I bound by the the rules of pedantic pedestrians nor dimwitted drivers. Once more I have the freedom only accorded to the two wheeled!

Ah, pedal power. How I have missed you. From the ages of six until seventeen, bicycles were my main form of independent transportation.1 Actually, there was a time when it was my main form of dependent transportation as well. Mom used to take me everywhere on the back of her bike.

I remember learning to ride without training wheels. I remember jumping over ditches on my first mountain bike.2 I remember convincing neighborhood kids that if they strapped on wings that I designed and then rode fast enough over this bump before a dried up lake bed, they could glide over the whole thing!3 I remember pretending that my bike was actually a horse and naming it Shadowfax and trying to convince people to joust with me.5 I remember riding my bike 8 miles each way just to visit a girl upon whom I had a crush.

Ah, good times.

And now I have a bike once more! Let the world tremble in fear!


[1] Obviously, by ¨independent¨ I mean anything where I did not have to rely on someone else to get me from point A to point B.

[2] I was living in Illinois at the time. There were absolutely no mountains to be found. I felt slightly gypped.

[3] I did not do the dangerous stuff myself (usually). I just convinced other kids to try out my crazy ideas. I think that the first boy who tried sprained his ankle. The second almost hit a tree. The third scraped up his hands. And the fourth broke a finger.4

[4] Yes, I am as amazed as you are that I got four consecutive people to try this. What is more, they all watched the previous person try it, so it is not as if they did not know what to expect!

[5] Yes, I was mixing Lord of the Rings with Arthurian legends. Do you have a problem with that? If so, write an email to Iwas12yearsoldforpetessake@idontcare.com

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6 responses to “Jaws Was Never My Scene And I Don’t Like Star Wars

  1. I really like all the footnotes on this, as well as the story of you and your bike when you were a child — did anyone ever joust with you? I would have, that sounds like fun.

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