Coworker: Owen! You cut your hair? But your dreads looked so nice! Why would you do that?
Coworker: Your hair! What did you do to it?
Me: Um, nothing?
bends down to sip water from the fountain
Coworker: What do you mean noth… oh! You just pulled it back into a ponytail. It looks nice that way. You should wear it like that more often.
a few minutes later
Coworker #2: Owen! You cut your hair? Why would you do that?
Mom: So, did you get your checking account fixed yet?
Me: No. Well, yes. Sort of.
Mom: What does that mean?
Me: The missing deposit was not really missing. It was just combined with a separate deposit, so I really am negative due to my own miscalculation.
Mom: Oh. Well, have you finally gotten paid?
Mom: What do you mean “no?”
Me: I think that the meaning of “no” is pretty obvious, Mom. I have not been paid yet.
Mom: Do you know when you will get paid?
Me: No. I have no idea.
Mom: How can you not know when you will be paid? Do you know how often you will be paid? Do you know when you will get your next check after you get your first one?
Me: Nope. Not a clue.
Mom: But your checking account is negative, your savings is empty, you are out of food at home, and you have bills to pay?
Me: All true.
Mom: Have you talked to anyone about this?
Me: Of course.
Mom: And you told them that you have no money or food.
Me: Yep. They don’t care. Not their problem.
Mom: They owe you money!
Me: Yes, and they have every intention of paying me, but bureaucracy is still bureaucracy. My direct boss offered to lend me money, but I am already borrowing money from a friend, so I think that borrowing from two people would be silly when the first gave me more than enough.
Mom: But you’re going to eat?
Me: Yeees, Mom.
Mom: Are you still losing weight?
Me: I was up to 160 lbs last week!
Mom: Uh huh. And what do you weigh now?
Me: (mumbles) 150 lbs.
Mom: What was that?
Me: 150, Mom!
Mom: You aren’t eating enough! Why don’t you eat enough! Shouldn’t you …
Me: Um, Mom? Mom! I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.
Mom: I love you, Owen.
Me: I love you too, Mom.