Dear Ohio,

I know that it has been years since I was a resident. I appreciate the fact that you seem determined to show me how much I matter by paying personal attention to me. However, let me say that I find a great deal of difference between positive attention and negative attention. Positive attention would involve spending time with family and/or friends. Going apple picking. Seeing a movie. Something fun that shows that people actually enjoy my company and want to spend some of their busy schedule with me. Fancy dinners, parties, parades, and various other celebrations are unnecessary.

Negative attention, for the record, is best exemplified by what I saw this morning when I decided to run an errand. Canine fecal matter does not belong on my car, rental or no. It should not be smeared all over my front windshield. It should not hold a variety of leaves and twigs to the glass in a collage of noisome nature. Or to put it another way, my car should not attract flies.

If this were an isolated incident, that would be one thing, but it is just another in a string of events here. My real car still bears the evidence of that; etched indelibly into the paint and my memory are things which should not have been.

I hate you, Ohio. Bear my enmity until the end of time. Or at least until the end of the day. I really do not have the inclination to spend much more time on you.




36 responses to “Dear Ohio,

  1. What the hell…? Do you know who did that? Last I checked, it didn’t often rain doggie poo from the skies…

  2. wow, I spent some time in Ohio… and I have never had that type of attention.
    I was in the state when the Ohio State Buckeyes won the college basketball thingy, and even then it wasn’t weird.
    Perhaps Cuyahoga Falls is different from the rest of the world (but stay at the Sheraton Suites, which is right on the river). At night they light up the river and the restaurant is one level below street level and they have 3 story high windows which makes it really beautiful while having several glasses of wines.

    • I was born in Ohio. Spent around twenty-eight years there all told (although not necessarily consecutive ones).
      I am about as familiar with the place as I want to be and though there is beauty and kindness there, I really do not belong there. The state has a habit of ramming that fact home to me.

  3. Seriously?? That’s awful! Why on earth would someone do that?

  4. hugglies! applepicking???? πŸ™‚

  5. What the hell? That’s terrible! 😦

  6. And this is a reoccuring pattern? WTF?? Seriously W-T-F!!

  7. Damn it that kind of s***t makes me mad too!! How horrible- and how senseless…what kind of barbarian could do such a thing…playing in dog s***t takes a very low IQ I think.
    I’m sorry this happend to you and has happend more than once.

    • A part of me wants to hope that it was either: a) a case of mistaken identity or b) a punk kid with nothing better to do. Either of those would actually make me feel better than to think that it was literally directed against me since I really have no idea what I would have done to bring out such a response. :/

  8. So few people actually *belong* in Ohio. While you might feel this incident does not reach beyond the state’s crooked borders, dog poo and car hoods are everywhere.
    You will find your place. Maybe you already have.

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