Not to be taken internally

Saturday night, I decided to make a frozen pizza. I had not really cooked in my new apartment despite having lived here for a month. I blame that partially on the movers, partially on my weird schedule, and partially upon laziness. But Saturday night was to be the night! Even if it was just frozen pizza, at least it would be something other than take out.

I turned on the oven, put in the thermometer that I had just bought, and set it to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. I figured that this would be a great opportunity to figure out the settings of the oven (very few ovens actually put out the temp that they say on the settings). I walked away for a bit, anticipating pizza goodness. It did not take me long though to notice the smell.

Despite the fact that the inside of the oven looked clean, I smelled something burning. Soon there was a light haze filling the kitchen. This set off the fire and carbon monoxide alarms in my apartment. I pulled out the batteries from two of the above, but the third … it was wired through the actual complex. I could not shut it off! D’oh! I opened the window of my bedroom and the door to the balcony to let air out. I also opened the front door to the hall. A gathering crowd of my neighbors was outside chattering to one another in spanish and wondering what was going on. Nothing quite like attempting to explain a misadventure in another language!

I went back inside and checked the oven temp. Not quite hot enough. I turned it up a little. Ooh look! More smoke! Great.

About a half hour of fiddling around later, I finally got the oven to be the temperature that I desired. I put in the pizza. Oh boy. The cheese is melting … and dripping onto the bottom of the oven. And burning. It took a half hour after the oven was turned off for the alarm to stop. I bet my neighbors love me. *sighs*

So, after Saturday’s fiasco, I resolved to clean the oven before attempting to bake again. I bought some fumeless oven cleaner last night and began scrubbing. And scrubbing. And scrubbing! I got that dump to shine like the top of the Chrysler building!

I preheated the oven and put in a vegetable lasagna. I sat down to study for work when I heard a loud BANG from the kitchen. I ran in and turned off the oven. I am still not sure what happened. The insides were warped and scorched and the oven light had burst, spreading glass all over my supper rendering it much less appetizing.

I wonder if my oven has something against Italian food?

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8 responses to “Not to be taken internally

  1. Oh dear gods, this sounds like a story I would have to tell after a long day of battling with mundane items.

  2. *Is sad about glassed lasagna*
    Do you think you need a new oven?

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